In The Unlikely Event...

Let's all trivialize the war in Iraq

2007-08-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

Conde Nast, you know the people behind the travel magazine, as well as scores of other magazines, have a unique way of showing support for American troops. They recommend that if you want to get out of the cell phone contract you agreed to that you should lie and say you are in the military and being shipped off to Iraq.

Now I am personally against the war in Iraq, but I would never stoop so low as to trivialize the sacrifices of our troops as the scum at Conde Nast do.

What makes the situation funny is that this advice came in a Conde Nast publication whose exclusive advertiser was the Geek Squad. Best Buy sells cell phone contracts that the publication they support advocates lying to get out of!

I wonder if Best Buy knows that they sponsored a rag that trivializes the people in the military, and advocates deliberately breaching contracts with them? I wonder if AT&T, Sprint, and Verizon know that they business partner is sponsoring a magazine that tells people to break their contracts with them?

Wired Magazine are scumbags that sell your personal information and then offer to let you opt out. They are also the Conde Nast publication that recommended telling your cell phone provider that you are being shipped to Iraq just to get out of the contract you agreed to.

It might be fun to let AT&T, Sprint, Verizon, and Best Buy know what they are actually sponsoring. It might also be fun to see how far I can get the message spread about the respect Conde Nast has for Americans and American troops.

I'll let you know what I hear back.

Unexpected Common Sense

2007-02-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

I was at in an airport security line recently and saw the most amazing thing... A TSA employee making a rational decision! The lady in front of me had a bottle of hand lotion that was over 3 ounces. The contents left were probably under, but it also wasn't in a bag. The TSA employee eventually just put it in the bin, sent it through the XRAY machine that can't tell what it is and let her go on her way. Obviously security wasn't compromised. It is an unlikely event to see TSA make a common sense decision!

You are SOOOO Safe

2007-02-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

I spaced and sent a 1 oz bottle of shampoo through the x-ray machine at SeaTac without (gasp) putting it into a plastic bag. The TSA person opened my bag, removed the bottle of shampoo and asked it I had a plastic bag. I did and promptly put the weapon of mass destruction into the plastic bag where it was magically transformed into ordinary shampoo. I was then allowed to bring the shampoo on to the aircraft. God only knows how much peril all of the passengers would have been in if I had removed the shampoo from it's bomb-proof plastic baggy. OH MY GOD, how could TSA let me carry a device such as SHAMPOO onto an airplane? Just to test the theory that 1 oz of shampoo must be in a plastic baggy to be safe I pulled it out at 30,000 feet. Immediately out MD-80 went into a dive - nose pointed directly at the pointy Rocky Mountains below. At about 5,000 feet I placed the shampoo back into its protective plastic baggy and the pilot was able to wrestle the aircraft from its perilous decent, narrowly missing a cub scout troop hiking in the mountains. Yeah, right.

Folks, US and England have security theatre. It's all a show to make the most ignorant citizens think their elected officials are actually doing something other than running up aviation costs and inconveniencing passengers. Our governments are the terrorist's payload. They are little puppets being skillfully manipulated by the terrorists. There is no war on terror - the fighting a war on terror card is too useful to politicians to try to end it, so they amplify it.

http://www.addictinggames.com/airportsecurity.html is a really funny game. The site is probably infected as it launches pop-ups for free smileys, so don't go there without using sandboxie (www.sandboxie) or a VM (even if you are running Firefox). Actually I don't know if the pop-up ads are ok or not, but Bruce Schnier linked to the games, so it's his reputation, not mine... I warned you :)

Speaking of Bruce, I sometimes take exception with some of thing conclusions he draws, but he is dead on target with his assessment of terror.

http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2006/08/what_the_terror.html should be required reading in schools, churches, knitting clubs, Elk and Moose Lodges, Military Academies, and most other places. Perhaps I should have it printed on aluminum so TSA can read it on the way through the scanners.

Oh well, enough for this post. Security screening is an unlikely event at the airport, but wasting time in a line titled "security" is up there with death and taxes.

Stupid Pricing

2007-01-22T17:56:00.000-08:00

Do you think that 25+25=3? Then you have the math skills United Airlines is looking for in a product pricing specialist. Apply today! Seriously, what are those folks thinking? I needed to fly from San Diego to San Francisco at the last minute, and colleagues of mine were on a UA flight, so I went to the UA web site and looked for the flight. It came back with $626.40 for a non-refundable, non-stop coach class ticket and $214.40 for a refundable first class ticket. That's right, $412 more money to fly coach than first class. Mind you, this was a flight that was less than half full. I actually talked to a UA web support person and asked about it. At first she said that 1st class was not less expensive, but I had her take a look. This was a few weeks ago, so I checked again today and it is still the same. Of course, Alaska Airlines has first class for a couple of dollars less than United, coach for about $450 less than United and if you have a problem with Alaska you don't have to wait on the phone listening to the same song for 6 hours like you do when you call India for help with a problem with United airlines.

Go figure.

Make a Friend in India Year

2007-01-15T10:22:00.000-08:00

I called United Airlines for customer service and ended up talking to some one in India. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with talking to someone from India, it’s actually wonderful to talk to people all over the world. The problem is that I needed customer service from United Airlines and the people in India that United Airlines use for customer service are denied that authority to provide customer service.

United Airlines, and other “American” companies who outsource customer service rather than provide it are offering a truly valuable peace mission to Americans. Stop wasting the humanitarian efforts of customer service antagonistic companies like United. Take advantage of their unique “value propositions”. United, and others from the school of “screw customer service” are offering a unique and valuable opportunity – make a friend in India!

Side note: the employees who face customers, such as flight attendants and pilots (not cowardly, incompetent senior executives) actually care about customer service, it’s the management that either doesn’t or is less competent than the laziest minimum wage worker in any industry in the world.

I recommend that each and every person make at least one phone call a day to a call center in India and talk to the person on the other end of the phone. I’m not talking about trying to get customer service - don’t be ridiculous, I’m talking about enriching your life and experiencing diversity. Ask what music they listen to. What do they like to eat? What are their politics, or weather like? Learn something about India! It’s a big world and companies like United are willing to provide toll free calls to average Indian workers – how dare you waste the opportunity? It’s un-American! Use the resources.

People who are wiser than I am have said that you should make lemon aide out of lemons. You can’t get customer service for United Airlines out of India, but you can get cultural diversity. Give them a call. Don’t expect any issues to be resolved, but learn about someone different. Respect their culture and make a friend. Perhaps one day you may go to India and you can meet your new friend.

By the way, this doesn't just go for United. We need to share places that outsource their customer service and neglect to give the people the authority to proivde customer service. If the call center can't do the job intended, well they can help us discover the world anyway!

I declare 2007 "Make a Friend in India year". Call your favorite customer service site and meet someone new!

Let Them Eat Cake

2006-12-28T14:30:00.000-08:00

I was out to dinner with a friend last night and she related how on a Northworst flight from Germany they didn't even have enough meals for all of the passengers. It's one thing to maybe not have enough of a given choice, but to put someone on an 8 hour (or more) flight and not have food for them is, well, probably par for the course on Northworst. According to my friend there wasn't even an apology or an offer for any sort of compensation. Northworst should be in the vacuum cleaner business - nothing sucks like Northworst does.

Championship Safety Announcements

2006-12-20T18:26:00.000-08:00

You know how in skating competitions the judges hold up cards with numbers on them to indicate the skater's score? I want to distribute such cards on a flight and when they finish the preflight "safety" announcement we can all score the delivery.

Lavatory Lies

2006-12-19T17:26:00.000-08:00

Many US airlines, post 911, claim that you must use the "lavatory" in your class of service for your "safety and comfort". When you hear this you know that they are lying their asses off.

First off, it is not for anyone's comfort. Second, safety is a lie. They probably paid some moron a lot of money and called him an expert. This "expert" flies first class and wants the toilet to himself, so he says "it is unsafe to use toilets outside of your class of service.

You see, airlines such as Southwest (www.iflyswa.com), and others which have only one class of service , safely fly with people in row 9 on a 737 using the toilet in the front of the aircraft. It's just an airline lie for elitism. This isn't sour grapes - as much as I fly I am frequently upgraded and I do not think a person in the front of the airplane should have to go to the back to use the toilets - especially if there is a line at the back and none at the front.

How the airlines handle this rule really speaks volumes about their service philosophy. I was on a flight from Seattle to Tokyo. I had the misfortune of flying NorthWORST Airlines (www.nwa.com). There were two sections of the airplane between me and the cockpit. I was at the front of coach and there was a long line toward the rear toilets. There was a toilet a few rows ahead of me with no line, so I used it. As I came out a Northworst Gestapo agent demanded to know my seat location. When I pointed to my seat she rudely chastised me in front of the other passengers for using the toilet in business class. I complained to the flight attendant commandant on the flight who asked me to fill out a card and promised 1500 miles would be put in my account. I did, they never did give me the miles. Rude is status quo with Northworst.

Now, on Alaska Airlines (www.alaskaair.com) they have the same rules, but when they see that there is a cart between your seat and the toilets, or they see a line at the back and none at the front, do you know what they do when you come to the front to use the toilet? They smile at you like they do all of the time.

You just have to wonder why Southwest airplanes aren't falling out of the sky left and right. Obviously, this using the wrong toilets is very dangerous.

It really is time for the airlines to stop lying to us all. The lavatory regulations are just a load of crap.

Bush, TSA, and the airlines cutting the crap is truly an unlikely event.

Where's the freaking toilet at?

2006-12-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

Have you walked through an airport in the past 20 years and seen signs that say "Lavatory" for the toilets? Probably not. The signs in all of the airports I've seen say toilets, or men's and women's. There may be a "restroom" sign or two, but never lavatory. How about In a restaurant, or other public facility? The only place I ever see or hear the word "lavatory" is on an airplane. What's up with that? On Alaska Airlines in the pre-flight "Safety" announcements they say "There is one lavatory in the forward compartment and two aft". If the object of a safety announcement is to convey important information then why not use the words most commonly used by the customers they are speaking to? I actually flew an American Airlines flight where they called then toilets and guess what? Everyone knew what they meant. In this day of global travel I seriously doubt that Lavatory is one of the more commonly taught English words when people begin to learn English. I bet the signs in the Alaska Airlines business offices don't say "Lavatories". Alaska isn't the only airline to forget that maximum communication is an essential part of a safety announcement. Perhaps I should collaborate with the rest of the passengers on a flight so that when they say the part about the lavatories we all respond with "Yeah, but where's the freakin' toilet?" It's an unlikely event, but it could be fun!

I'll tell you how later

2006-12-12T09:59:00.000-08:00

It always cracks me up. You sit down on the airplane and just before they close the door the captain turns on the fasten seat belt sign. Usually the flight attendants tell you that everyone must have their seat belt on before the plane leaves the gate. OK, so far so good, but if that is the case, why do they wait 5 to 15 minutes to then later tell us HOW to use the seat belts? It must be an FAA regulation. In the unlikely event of a fire in the airplane at the gate, figure out how to unbuckle the seatbelt yourself :)

The sky more traveled

2006-12-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

I decided to change my blog from "Collective Voices" to "In The Unlikely Event". I may have Microsoft rants from time to time, but I travel a lot and there is a lot of material when you fly - especially in the US.

If I end up picking on Alaska Airlines (hppt://www.alaskaair.com) disporportionately it is because I fly them most frequently. I think they are really one of the best in the world. I always look forward to flying on Alaska Airlines. On the other hand, when I fly Northwest (Northworst Airlines http://www.nwa.com) I always have a feeling of dread. You just know they'll mess something up.

In the unlikely event that someone reads this... feel free to comment!

Randy

MS Virtually Begs You to Use Linux

2006-10-19T14:06:00.000-07:00

MS thinks that if you upgrade a computer more than once you should give them some more money… a lot more money. Licensing details for Vista indicates that you can only transfer the OS you paid to use to one other computer. If you make certain upgrades to you hardware more than once, MS want to get paid for doing nothing at all. Additionally, if you have virtualization software and want to run a virtual Vista on the same machine your paid copy of Vista is installed on, MS thinks you should pay for a second copy of Vista. If you want to run two virtual Vista sessions on one machine that has a licensed copy of Vista then you are expected to buy a total of 3 licenses for Vista.

I want to understand what MS is thinking, so I decided to listen to the voices in my head. Well, hey I was a member of the collective for 12 years and have only been gone for about 16 months… I still hear them J

MS is going to alienate power users. These people influence a lot of home users. The home users who can install Vista have machines that can run virtualization software, such as VMWare, Virtual PC, etc. Some virtualization software is free! These power users will realize that they can wean Windows users off of Windows and into Linux by starting them in Virtual Machines. The more home users that leave Windows the less support costs MS incur. Additionally, if millions of unsophisticated users flock to Linux we will see widespread examples that prove that any OS is just as susceptible to malware and exploitation as Windows is. Yeah, I know you don’t believe me, but if Linux gains 30% of Windows users you will see what I mean. This will ultimately help MS bolster its image with Enterprises.

So, you see, Microsoft’s grossly unjust licensing plans are not about greed, they really don’t want your home business, it costs too much and it hurts the image!